Monday Marriage Tip- Road Maps

We're working on our 32nd year of marriage. Along the journey, I've picked up some little tidbits of wisdom that I try to keep in mind to make the way easier. I've decided to share them with you- free of charge!- on Mondays. Here is number 4: 

Take Mission Trips!

 Homesteading is an ongoing (ad)venture. There are times when hard decisions come and changes must be made. It's important to make sure you are always on the same page...in the same book...heading to the same goal.

 Every once in a while, DH will mention something in passing or a thought of the future will cross MY mind and one of us will be left wondering if the path we are on has veered. It can get a little rocky or even become a huge bump in the road if it isn't well communicated and agreed upon. Nobody likes to feel uncertain about a journey and having a road map can be a major comfort! Sure, YOU may know exactly how you want to get from A to B but if your partner isn't in on the route planning, are they really a partner? What if their map looks completely different than the one you are carrying? Trying to homestead with 2 different plans will quickly turn into a headache, if not a heartache!

Drifting can be exciting short term but it quickly leads to insecure feelings and doubts. The first part of "homesteading" is "home" which means all of your marriage assets are wrapped up in this plan. Mission trips are a great way to remind each other of your commitment.

 So every once in a while, take a mission trip. Sit down with a good cup of something, hold hands or snuggle on the couch, and talk about where you're going. Discuss what you each want the destination to look like, how long it will take to get there, what you will face along the way, the role each of you will play, Have a plan! Even better? Write it down. Pull out that map and check on the progress of your journey. The reassurance of mutual goals is an important part of trust and security building. 

Monday Marriage Tip- Funny Stuff

We're working on our 32nd year of marriage. Along the journey, I've picked up some little tidbits of wisdom that I try to keep in mind to make the way easier. I've decided to share them with you- free of charge!- on Mondays. Here is number 3: 

Laugh it Up

Busy! We've been so busy! It took us 2 days to get a simple fence around our garden to keep the chickens out. But the extra time was necessary. We measured and planned and sweated (yay! the sun is back!)  to run a fence that can be easily moved next year to the dormant half of the garden. We also put in the last of the squashes, melon, pumpkin, cucumbers, okra, and luffa. We used up the last of the straw in storage (6 bales) to mulch everything but that wasn't enough, we'll need to get more.

Meanwhile, my bum leg and back have been screaming at me to STOP. The pain is indescribable. And when you're in pain, it's easy to let your joy escape. But having a spouse who helps to lighten your mood can be a real game changer. For instance, this morning while we were going over the list of things to do today, my DH -out of the blue- started talking in Spanish. He actually only knows three or four words of the language. The rest HE MADE UP. He had me laughing so hard that I totally forgot about the aches and pains. A dreaded day got turned into a fun one just from a few minutes of laughter. A sense of humor isn't in everyone's personality profile, but making a little effort to lighten up your spouse's mood when the going is tough, is so worth the effort!

Monday Marriage Tip- Listen Up!

We're working on our 32nd year of marriage. Along the journey, I've picked up some little tidbits of wisdom that I try to keep in mind to make the way easier. I've decided to share them with you- free of charge!- on Mondays. Here is number 2:

Be Present

Life on a homestead can be so hectic. If you're doing it with a spouse, communication is vital. Did he say, "do let the chickens out...or don't?" Did she say, "thaw out a rabbit...or a turkey?" Where did he say he put the extra fence posts? What day did she say the shipment of bees would be here? 

Having a traveling spouse really makes this tip hit home. We might not be in the same room (or state) for weeks at a time but we do talk on the phone every day. And I learned a long time ago that if those conversations were being held while I was washing dishes or grading papers or chasing a loose chicken, then we might as well not be talking at all. There was a really good chance I wouldn't remember all that was said. And DH could tell that I wasn't fully engaged in what he was trying to tell me. Even if he was just recounting a boring thing that happened at his job site, he needed me to HEAR him. 

And it's just as important to be present when we ARE in the same room. Nobody likes to feel ignored or forced to repeat something they've already said. A screen (t.v., phone, computer, etc...) is just as distracting as anything we could be doing that would draw our attention away. My goodness! At our age now, I have a hard enough time remembering what was said when I give my full attention. Imagine how much I mess up when I'm not REALLY listening. 

Monday Marriage Tip

We're working on our 32nd year of marriage. Along the journey, I've picked up some little tidbits of wisdom that I try to keep in mind to make the way easier. I've decided to share them with you- free of charge!- on Mondays. Here is number 1:

Try to Forget

For example, if your spouse accidentally mows down all your raspberry bushes, it's best not to remember that fact when (16 years later) you see his prize rose bush creeping into the goat pen. Just suck it up and tie that bush back where your goats can't reach it. At the very least, don't "accidentally" forget to mention it to him, no matter how much you really loved those raspberry bushes. What's done is done. Let. It. Go.  Nobody wins when you try to keep score because you are both on the same team! (Did I mention I love raspberries?) I'd love to tell you more about it but I'm off to tie up a rosebush.