My anxiety. Day to day I never know when it is going to attack. From being a little anxious if a recipe is going to turn out ok to waking up in the middle of the night to check the bank balance or from wondering about adding another new homestead critter to worrying about a sick animal, I deal with anxiety on a daily basis. I'm getting older. I have chronic pain. I'm alone most of the time. I'm responsible for elderly people. And my brain thinks I need to compound all those situations by thinking about them. ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes it wants to have a field day and add imaginary scenarios to the mix. Believe me, if a disaster could strike at any minute, my brain has already thought it up. The good news is, I'm learning how to deal with it.
I've learned how to announce: I'm taking a break. It took me several years to learn how to demand that as my right. I don't need anyone's permission (man nor beast) to walk into my kitchen, pour myself something to drink, and plop my butt down for a while. Whatever I was doing can wait 5 or 10 more minutes.
I've learned to look through the things that aren't done and see the beauty around them. I see the baby goats play on the un-scooped wasted hay pile and the flowers peeking through the un-mowed leaves. Sure, I want to scoop and mow. But for a few minutes I just enjoy what I have already done. At the end of the day I check my journal and I'm usually amazed at what all I accomplished. It's thrilling to see the new things I learned or attempted for the first time. I keep that list in my mind and run through it when the list of things I didn't get done wants to invade my thoughts.
And I've learned how to sort out those imaginary disasters. As they come up, I ask myself to decide if there is any possibility they could really happen. If the answer is no, I file them in the fiction section. If the answer is yes, I remind myself that the same God who provides the baby goats, flowers, and paycheck around here is perfectly capable of taking care of anything I can make up in my mind!
Just like a paying job, homesteading comes with lots of responsibilities. But the rewards are more than any paycheck could compete with. Dealing with all the challenges can be harder when my anxiety is trying to be in control. Practicing faith, patting myself on the back, and taking an occasional "mental health" break goes a long way in helping me!
