2. Go upstairs and grab a couple towels. If the Beagle is awake now (this can happen if you haven't perfected your simultaneous whistling/humming) casually say, "I'm just going to add these perfectly clean towels to the load of clothes that is pre-soaking downstairs." DO NOT make eye contact with an awake Beagle. Set towels beside laundry sink. Check water temperature and adjust flow.
3. Station a person at each doorway between Beagle and any exits not leading to the dog washer. Remind them to keep their knees together and their heads low.
4. Again, NOT making eye contact with the Beagle, say calmly, "Gee, I wish I had a Beagle head to pet. I've been wanting to scratch a dog's ear all day."
5. Reassure all the door watchers that they did their best. Follow the Beagle's jet trail to the back yard- wait until the pet door stops flapping before exiting.
6. Corner Beagle at end of fence and gently pick him/her up while telling yourself the grass stains on your knees will come out in the wash. Remove dandelion fuzz from hair only if you have a secure hold on the Beagle with the other hand.
7. Set Beagle on floor while you mop up the overflowing laundry sink with towels set aside to dry Beagle.
8, Turn around. Find Beagle gone. Call groomer and make an appointment.
9. Tell yourself you'll do better next time.
